Maria Lloyd (00:01.561)
Hello Mila and welcome to the My Local Marketer podcast. Thank you for coming on. How are you doing?

Mila Smith (00:07.244)
Hi Maria, very well, how are you?

Maria Lloyd (00:10.511)
yes, very well thank you. Well we're recording this, when are we, of mid -ish September 2024 so yeah it's starting to get cold now so hence I thought I'd wear a very long sleeve top today but you look very lovely in summery still. Yeah you're still clinging on. lovely, well before we begin could you please tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and your business.

Mila Smith (00:17.571)
Yep.

Mila Smith (00:22.936)
But I'm still here, yeah. I'm in denial.

Mila Smith (00:35.992)
So, my name is Mila Smith. I'm a certified relationship and dating coach. Years ago, I was a single mum with a questionable relationship track record and I used to think I was unlucky in love until I worked out it had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with my choices and my now husband was going through a similar situation. He wasn't his second divorce.

and dipping his toes in the treacherous waters of dating, asking himself the same question, what am I doing wrong? And unfortunately, we were no exception. It's amazing how many intelligent and successful people manage many areas of their lives very well and yet struggle when it comes to dating and forming a healthy relationship.

Maria Lloyd (01:32.121)
you

Mila Smith (01:35.342)
So that was the main reason why after 25 years in the corporate world, I decided to drop it and start my own business as a certified relationship and dating coach, helping men and women find the love that they want and deserve and build a happy, healthy relationship.

Maria Lloyd (01:59.652)
I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation that we had a little while ago which we'll go into in a minute but before we actually jump into the main part you live, well not in Reading Centre shall we say, you live near Reading so you are familiar with the area. What do you like about Reading?

Mila Smith (02:16.995)
Well, like you said, I'm just outside Reading, but obviously I'm a frequent visitor and I think Reading has the best of both worlds. It's a multicultural, buzzing university city, but then on the other hand, it's got that Thames Valley charm with the riverside and the cafes and the green. I love that.

and London Street Brasserie is also one of my favorite restaurants so we try to go out there as often as we can.

Maria Lloyd (02:59.213)
That's amazing. I didn't know that. And thank you for that plug for a local business. Yes, I do need to catch up with them. Wonderful. So jumping back to, like we said before, your career and everything. When we had a conversation before, you said something which really struck me. And I'm going to jump right in there because I think it's absolutely fascinating that we are so focused on our careers nowadays and we think nothing of having a career coach and being taught at school. What do want to do when you're growing up?

Mila Smith (03:01.214)
Thank

Maria Lloyd (03:28.781)
But relationships, especially with your significant other half, we're never taught how to do that. And a relationship coach is not viewed, I'd say, in the same way, or people don't even realize there is a relationship coach compared to a career coach. So could you please outline for everyone very clearly, I think you've already done that slightly, but expand on it, what does a relationship coach do?

Mila Smith (03:49.527)
of course.

No, of course. So, like you said, it's common practice to seek help when you're faced with something which is slightly outside your comfort zone, where you're lacking expertise. And it's common practice to go to career coaches, financial advisors when you need help investing your money, life coach when you're just generally confused.

fitness coach, nutritional coach. However, very little or no thought goes into forming the relationship despite the criticality of this decision for your future. And when you think about it, getting into a relationship potentially is one of those life -changing decisions.

you may end up having children with that person and that means you're tied to them for life. So as a relationship and dating coach, I'm trying to highlight the importance of this step, the importance of this step and the fact that it shouldn't be taken lightly.

There are some people who are blessed with a wonderful natural intuition and they know what to look out for in a soulmate and then they bond with them and they get into a relationship for life. That is not my customer, obviously. So people come to me with problems and most of them...

Maria Lloyd (05:11.076)
Yeah.

Mila Smith (05:40.03)
have been through a divorce or a breakup or they are still going through a divorce. Sometimes they want to meet someone new, they want to be happy again but they don't know how to approach dating perhaps after a long break. Or, which is also quite common, they can be full of mistrust. Once you've got your fingers burned

it's very difficult to open up to the prospects of a new relationship to invite someone into your life. And another scenario is someone who has never been in a serious relationship, maybe focused on their career or just haven't met the right person. And these people often suffer from low self -esteem as they're beginning to think, what is wrong with me?

everyone else is coupled up. So as a relationship and dating coach I have the tools in my toolbox to work through these issues and identify the problem, focus on a forward -looking strategy. Ultimately the goal is to find an ideal partner for them.

and also discover how to build a healthy, happy relationship.

Maria Lloyd (07:12.908)
Thank you for that. think that's very clear. Yes, no, I think that's very clear. Do you have a, for anyone maybe in one of those scenarios that you just mentioned or maybe a couple for each scenario, could you, do you have any advice that you could share with them now? What should they do if they are in one of those situations and needing a little bit of guidance?

Mila Smith (07:13.587)
Does that cover it?

Mila Smith (07:33.57)
Well, first of all, don't think of being single, unattached as a disadvantage, because it's not. You are actually in a great position, because you can learn from your experience and you can try to understand more about yourself and what you need in a relationship. And until you do that, to be honest,

don't bother dating because you might just end up in the same old scenario. And... Can we cut this out? Yeah... Alright, so understanding yourself is the key step because until you do so you might quite easily get dragged into your own...

Maria Lloyd (08:16.535)
Yeah, of course we can. That's the beauty of audio.

Mila Smith (08:30.222)
patterns and repeat the same mistakes. So don't bother dating until or unless you covered that step. But it's a beautiful time and it's actually a great opportunity to start with a clean slate and find someone who's perfect for you instead of working with what you've got trying to fix it and

We usually get stuck in this pattern trying to get our partner to fit a mold or they're doing that to us and that's when the struggle begins. I'm convinced that the best time to work in a relationship is before it begins because you have that advantage. And if you are already in a relationship and maybe you're seeing the cracks, that's a lot more complicated.

I personally don't work with couples because couples therapies are separate, different qualification. But perhaps as an individual I could help you talk things through and just get you to come to the right conclusion, whichever it may be. And some relationships are for sure worth saving, but unfortunately some are not.

Maria Lloyd (09:57.743)
Hmm.

Mila Smith (09:58.562)
Is that okay, Maria?

Maria Lloyd (09:58.691)
That's really interesting. think sometimes we are the skills that we're maybe taught and we have in our careers on the business side. don't necessarily we don't successfully translate them across. So communication we're always taught it's so key for business and communication. But then you get into your relationship and you don't maybe communicate. If you communicate like that at work, you probably wouldn't be successful. So I think people separate those fears sometimes and sometimes they can overlap or take the skills from one

Mila Smith (10:13.538)
Mmm. Mmm.

Mila Smith (10:23.468)
Great, Trin.

Maria Lloyd (10:28.647)
to another. Yeah so as you said at the start you've had a very long and successful career in the corporate side before you set up your business. As we've just suggested there are many skills that you develop when you're in corporate business. What have you found? The skills that have transferred across from the corporate your corporate

Mila Smith (10:30.188)
Very true, very true.

Maria Lloyd (10:52.651)
life before across your business because I don't I think it's interesting to highlight for people who are maybe thinking of the same transition I think especially women they set up in later life like their own side businesses so what have you found have you found that experience

Mila Smith (10:59.778)
Mmm.

Mila Smith (11:07.63)
First of all, I must admit that only 30 % of my job was to do with technology and the corporate world and finance, whatever. 70 % was people management because I was in customer -facing role as a capital in capital equipment sales or business development, account manager.

70 % of my job was always fixing people. And I think the main skill I developed, and there was training for it, it was listening. You'll be amazed how many people don't. And without that skill in business or in your relationship, you can't be a good successful communicator.

because it all starts from listening. On the other hand, I also have been in a variety of situations and working in different geographies with people from all sorts of cultural backgrounds and walks of life. So I suppose I am prepared for any eventuality and whichever client I take on, I can offer them

something and hopefully find the right approach to that.

Maria Lloyd (12:43.395)
Yeah, brilliant. what, cause how long has your business been set up for you? It's still a relatively new business, isn't it? What you say?

Mila Smith (12:52.702)
It is, it is quite, it is because the original, the first idea came to us about three years ago and my husband and I decided to develop an online relationship and dating advice coaching course and because we had, well he still does have his

full -time job and business. We really struggled for time, so we would steal an hour here and there and we worked late nights, which wasn't so good. It took ages to get anything done. So this year, earlier this year, finally the stars aligned and I was able to leave my job.

and dedicate 100 % of my time to our business from single to couple. And I also in the process, I obtained the certification and qualification of a science -based relationship and dating coach from the Global Love Institute. So yes, the business is still in its...

early phase I would say.

Maria Lloyd (14:21.551)
Well, many congratulations again on getting your new business up and running. There are a couple of things I just want to unpack there what you said. So first of all, I think the important thing to say is obviously you've just started it, but you did start this journey with your husband three years ago. So I was going to ask you about the lessons that you've learned in setting up your business just to see if we could help other early stage business owners avoid those pitfalls and time as you've think correctly identified is

Mila Smith (14:23.576)
Thank you. Thank you.

Maria Lloyd (14:49.975)
is a big one but you were still finding hours here and there but if you have a goal in mind I think your goal was to do the video course so I think even it was an hour here and there because you had that set goal I assume that made it easier did it so could you just expand on that in any of the lessons that you learned in the early stages

Mila Smith (15:08.184)
Well, first of all, I would say to any new business, prepare to be a little bit baffled, because especially if you're stepping into a new territory, which we did, you will be learning a number of new things and you will be inundated with offers from various experts or...

self -proclaimed experts telling you that X, Y, and Z is absolutely crucial to your business and you just can't do without it. So if I may use an example, when you're having a baby, well, at least when I was expecting my son, I remember getting the marketing catalog, 100 pages of stuff.

And it was a little bit daunting because you realize you can spend 10, 20 ,000 pounds buying everything off that catalogue. But in reality, when you think about it, your baby or your new baby business doesn't need that much. It needs a solid business plan. It needs obviously knowing the audience. And if you do, sometimes you do, you have to see

professional help, be it marketing experts or SEO experts and so on, which is what we're dealing with now. I probably I would say don't trust anyone who starts dispensing advice after five minutes of meeting you. Because again it takes a lot of listening to understand your

business, understand your proposition and probably some challenges you're dealing with and you only want to give your money to someone who's got the idea of your business and who understands it because no one knows as much, no one cares much about your business as you do so when you feel like they really get you, only then

Mila Smith (17:31.476)
you get them on board because we really regret wasting some money on again so -called experts which didn't really I don't think they took any time to to understand our proposition at all or or the audience and as such you

Mila Smith (17:56.038)
sorry, I what I was going to say.

Maria Lloyd (17:59.181)
No, no, keep going, yeah.

Mila Smith (18:04.238)
didn't understand the proposition. yeah, so this is popular saying, you're always going to waste 50 % of your marketing budget. You just don't know which half. And up to this point, we're still not sure which half has been wasted. So this is my advice to you.

Maria Lloyd (18:19.246)
you

Mila Smith (18:32.728)
to any new business owner or startup.

Maria Lloyd (18:37.111)
I think that is wonderful advice because you're absolutely right when you start a business there are so many different things to consider. So you are there as an expert in the content, you know your content but then like you said you've got the website and you've got the different marketing and SEO and like you said a wide variety of things and especially if you're new to it how do you know how to judge someone when you don't know what you're judging them on. So I think that suggestion of just pulling back

and if they don't listen that's a really good indicator so that's just it. I would also suggest that anyone should do a little research on the area themselves whether it's you know just three four hours I know it sounds like a lot but then if you start to dig down and do educate yourself a little bit you'll be in a much better position because you're the expert on your content to judge if the person you're speaking to is legitimate or not. You don't need to

Mila Smith (19:05.699)
you

Maria Lloyd (19:32.331)
spend years, but you'll know enough then to at least understand the conversation. So yeah, brilliant advice. Thank you for that, Mika. So because we touched on marketing, can we just delve into that just a little bit? Because I'm fascinated when I speak to any entrepreneurs, because I always said there's minimum time. And how do you choose to market yourself and your wonderful service to others? What have you found has worked best for you?

Mila Smith (19:45.976)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mila Smith (20:01.527)
The most difficult aspect of marketing for us is getting in front of the right people. these days, thankfully, we have social media and I must admit Facebook and Instagram and even LinkedIn algorithms are becoming increasingly complex.

Maria Lloyd (20:09.636)
Mm.

Mila Smith (20:30.142)
and getting your organic content out is very difficult. So we had to invest in paid meta ads, which we have been running for a few months. So we're getting a steady flow of leads and inquiries from paid ads. It's...

Maria Lloyd (20:42.617)
Mm

Mila Smith (20:58.43)
if you have the budget for it I would say it works well. But again you need to have the knowledge and I had to complete a course on how to do it because it's a real minefield for someone who's never done it before both from a technical and marketing point of view it's a real minefield you need to know what you're doing otherwise you're

probably just likely to waste your money.

Maria Lloyd (21:30.243)
Hmm, interesting, interesting. going back to what you were saying about the video course that you set up with your husband, I was particularly intrigued in that because I think for a lot of people, think a video course is a nice way to go as like one step in your business because it takes a lot of effort and time to get up and running. But in theory, apart from refreshing every now and then, the content is there and it's very easily accessible, like I said, for people. They can log on.

Mila Smith (21:39.918)
Okay, yeah.

Mila Smith (21:59.79)
Yeah.

Maria Lloyd (22:00.195)
they can watch some content, can learn something and maybe if they want more information later then they can go to you. It's just their first introduction to you. So what was your experience like setting up the video course? How did you do it? Could you tell us a little bit about that?

Mila Smith (22:16.824)
Of course. So we thought not everyone can afford one -to -one coaching and plus some people just hate the idea of opening up to a stranger. not in America. So we thought an idea of an online video course with subtitles

could be very appealing because it's not a book because people don't read as much these days and it's also it's kind of slightly pre -digested content delivered to you with some suggestions at the end of each section through how to deal with a particular aspect of dating and relationship. So my husband and I of course it was a completely new

territory for us. So we did what you suggested. We did some research and we tried to find the best tools. At that point we used PowerDirector, the business edition 365, which allows you to use recorded videos or record videos and edit them quite easily, adding subtitles and all that.

Maria Lloyd (23:27.951)
Mm

Mila Smith (23:43.104)
So this is the tool we used and of course it took quite a few takes initially but eventually I think we got into the swing of things and the best thing about it was that we were delivering something we were confident talking about and it was coming from the heart and still is. So...

Mila Smith (24:12.758)
that I suppose made it so easy and so natural. So once we've recorded the course, we spent a little bit of time setting it up. Wix, if you're interested, is the platform we use for the website. And I think that it's a fantastic tool for

anyone who's single or maybe just on the crossroads not sure what to do how to enter the treacherous waters of dating and if I may mention the website it's www .single -2 -couple .com that's where we have all the information and the cause

Maria Lloyd (24:55.417)
Please, yes.

Mila Smith (25:06.893)
which unlike face -to -face coaching is very very affordable so for only 39 .99 at the moment you can get access to all 15 video sessions with subtitles and some homework so -called homework set at the end of each session to help anyone like us the former

survivors of the dating minefield to find their ideal partner, avoid the pitfalls and start building a foundation for a very healthy, happy relationship.

Maria Lloyd (25:53.325)
Yeah, I think that's great. And how have you found it? Has it actually been generating revenue for you?

Mila Smith (26:01.862)
We are selling, not to the extent that we'd like to, but again as we discussed this is still I would say in its infancy and we're trying to find the correct route to market. So I think

Maria Lloyd (26:15.982)
Yes.

Mila Smith (26:29.098)
Again, when you get in front of the right audience, it just resonates straight away. And our opening line in our ads is, are you tired of bad dates? Rocky relationship or being lonely? So anyone in that position will resonate. And again, if for some reason they can't afford or

they don't want to go into face -to -face coaching, then they can take advantage of this, our video course.

Maria Lloyd (27:08.493)
That's brilliant. And I totally agree. think when a license you're still in the infancy of your business, but when you get the traction moving, that is a nice, easy, quick revenue generator for you, but also to help someone. gives them a quick win. And then if they want more help, they already have that con that connection to you say can come to you later. So I agree. think that's a lovely thing for any sort of business owners to have when you have a skill like yours. So

Mila Smith (27:24.663)
and

Mila Smith (27:32.75)
I'm glad you think so. I'm glad you think so.

Maria Lloyd (27:34.445)
Yeah, well done on getting that up and running. So I know out of interest, can you advertise? mean, it's been, I've never been on dating platforms per se. Can you advertise on the dating platforms? Is that, is that something you've looked into?

Mila Smith (27:49.026)
I don't think you can. I've been trying to build relationships with certain dating platforms online, so we know each other and sometimes I provide feedback and comments. Some of them have their in -house relationship psychologists, so they help setting up...

questionnaires or various other prompts to help people find their perfect match. But no, no, to answer your question directly, I don't know, I don't think it's possible.

Maria Lloyd (28:31.671)
I say, because these groups that you have, mean, I don't know if there are groups like Single to Mingle or anything like that, Facebook groups, but you think they would be the great source of leads for you right up your street. So obviously we've mentioned your video course, that's one of what we do. And we said that your one -to -ones, that's another service that you offer. That's right. So those are your two service offerings, your course and your one -to -ones. Yeah.

Mila Smith (28:35.159)
Yeah. Deal's there,

Mila Smith (29:00.245)
That's right. I'm a perfectionist, so when I decided to become relationship and dating coach I spent a lot of time and money on getting really good and I have a certification from the Global Love Institute, New York based organization.

The only one in the world, I guess, is standardized and manage matchmakers and dating and relationship coaches across the world. So our approach is 100 % science -based, psychology -based, and therefore it's known to work. So we only use proven methods and...

I find this, to be honest, the most rewarding part of my new job is seeing the difference and sharing some insights with a client when perhaps after a string of really toxic failed relationships, they have that eureka moment and they realize perhaps

what they were doing wrong. And this is extremely rewarding. So for anyone who is interested in one -to -one sessions, and of course these days they're mostly, well 99 % of the time they're remote on Zoom or Teams. So I can work with people in Ireland and...

all over the UK and now potentially in the States as well. of course with one -to -one relationship and dating coaching you get a more personalised strategy to help you overcome whichever challenges you're dealing with and try to get to the point where you want to be which is a happy healthy relationship

Maria Lloyd (31:06.411)
Mm.

Mila Smith (31:19.118)
without having to change who you are. And if anyone is interested, again, the information is on our website, single -to -couple .com. And my phone number is 07970564204 to book a one -to -one relationship and dating coaching session.

Maria Lloyd (31:47.56)
And don't worry, all the information will be on the show notes landing page as well. Just so if anyone is maybe in the middle of a jog and not being able to write that down, it'll be on the show notes landing page. do you have any closing thoughts or key take with it you'd like to leave our listeners with Mila?

Mila Smith (31:49.186)
Just in case. Of course, of course. Yeah.

Mila Smith (32:08.459)
Let me just check what I was thinking for the keychain.

Okay.

So we're all full of relationship myths and misconceptions. Sometimes they're not doing us any favors. Take this age -old relationship cliche, listen to your heart rather than your head. So when you really come to think about this phrase, so heart is...

supposedly, which is supposed to drive our decisions, but as you know, most of the time it's simply linked to the cocktail of hormones we're experiencing at that point in time when we're infatuated or we're in the early phases of the relationship, experiencing passionate love. And any psychologist will tell you passionate love starts wearing off from anywhere between six months to

up to two years for some people. And this is when you lose the roast into glasses and you start seeing the situation and your partner for who they really are. And that's usually when we run into difficulty and the struggle begins. So I am trying to say, why is the head so unpopular? Because listening to your head means

Mila Smith (33:43.978)
Yes, you have to be in love and attracted, but you also try to appeal to your logical side, to your emotional intelligence. And you need to see whether the person you're dating is suitable for you. Are they addressing your relationship needs? Are they going to be on board in the long run? Are you, are your life...

Mila Smith (34:11.81)
values, key life values and goals aligned because when you simply go on attraction and listen to your heart then it will probably tell you yeah go on it feels wonderful and then you discover a huge clash in your goals or expectations so for example you for sure would compromise on some minor things but

If let's say your goal and your dream is to have a family and children and you are involved with someone who's resisting the idea, this could be very dramatic and again if you listen to your heart alone you find yourself very sad and disappointed down the line.

So this is my number one advice is to not just to listen to your heart, but also try to get approval from your head when it comes to relationships and dating. And then...

Mila Smith (35:33.588)
Sorry, I was just looking up what was the second point.

Mila Smith (35:39.928)
The other point is don't be embarrassed to ask for help. I've heard this a few times, why do you need a relationship and dating coach? People managed for thousands of years, but come on, the expectations really changed and we want and we expect more from our relationships these days. Our expectations are nothing like our parents and grandparents and...

Again, this is where most of people are age -run into difficulties.

Mila Smith (36:22.52)
Sorry, that... Someone's sleeping right now.

Maria Lloyd (36:23.961)
Keep going, yeah.

Mila Smith (36:30.442)
Alright, so we want more from our relationship but we don't always know how to get it. So therefore you shouldn't be embarrassed to ask for help and either see a therapist or someone like me, a relationship or data coach, because we will provide a framework and proven solutions.

for you to make the best possible decisions and find your ideal partner.

Maria Lloyd (37:05.109)
that's wonderful. I think that's a lovely place to leave Mila on. So thank you so much for coming on the podcast. Really appreciate all your very generous advice there. And yeah, thank you for helping me to think differently about relationships and being able to definitely keep that in mind for future. You're right. You've got to just work on them and realise it's a really important part of the life where you do need help as well sometimes.

Mila Smith (37:09.528)
Thank you.

Mila Smith (37:27.522)
Sometimes we do, yes. If I may just say, to give you an example, when people want to run a marathon for the first time in their life, what do they do? They go to a qualified coach to get some training, although technically they're quite capable of running.

it's the same kind of help you can enlist when it comes to relationship and dating.

Thank you very much, Maria. Thank you for the opportunity.